When you want your conversations with women to be more meaningful and interesting, asking yourself, “What do girls like to talk about,” is a good first step. Learning more about what appeals to them rather than talking about yourself is a sure way to make them feel comfortable and eager to see you again.
Take a look at these conversation ideas that are sure to spark something special between you and the woman across the table from you!
Some conversation starters to break the ice
You may be the kind of person that prefers deep conversation to small talk. But if you want a woman to feel comfortable to explore big topics with you, it’s important not to rush things. Women with healthy boundaries won’t share everything all at once, so don’t shy away from small talk while she gets to know you.
Ask about her day or work
Asking about work is a neutral starting place when talking to someone you don’t know well. If you already know what they do for a living, ask them what they think about their workplace and whether they get along with their coworkers. You might also ask whether they’re happy with where they’re at or see themselves moving up or switching careers in the future.
If a woman has pets, you can be 100% sure that she’s going to want to talk about them. Ask about how the pet came into her life, what pet ownership has been like, and any quirks that her pet may have. And definitely ask to see pictures.
If you have pets yourself, make sure to talk about them! Pet ownership can be a powerful connection.
Leisure time and hobbies
Instead of asking the generic question of, “So what do you do for fun,” lead her into an interesting conversation about how she spends her free time.
Ask, for instance, what she would do if she had an unusually stressful day at work. How would she unwind? Would she order takeout or cook an elaborate meal? Would she turn on Netflix or pick up a book? If she has hobbies like weaving, yoga, or hiking, she’ll likely talk about how these activities help her relax.
You can also ask what a typical weekend is like for her. Is she the kind of person who likes to curl up and watch movies in her downtime? Or is she more of a weekend warrior?
When offered the right way, compliments can be an effective way to deepen your connection with someone. Here’s how to do it right:
- Compliment something that she has full control over. Sure, some women enjoy compliments about their looks from someone they like. But in general, it’s better to start off by complimenting her on something other than the physical. Complimenting her sense of style, her taste in restaurants (if she chooses the date location), or her sense of humor can make her feel appreciated for her personality over her looks.
- Choose your wording carefully. When you do compliment a woman’s abilities or personality, do so in a way that isn’t patronizing. Saying things like, “I’m surprised to meet a woman with such a great sense of humor” can feel like a backhanded compliment. Instead, simply say, “I love your sense of humor.”
- Don’t linger in the moment too long. Not everyone is comfortable receiving compliments. So, if she doesn’t react positively when you offer one, don’t push it. Move on and try again when you’ve built some rapport.
What she’s reading, watching, or listening to
Chances are, she’s going to be consuming some kind of entertainment in her downtime. Maybe she’s a big reader, has a list of podcasts she listens to, or is hooked on a Netflix series.
Don’t worry about not being well-versed in whatever kind of entertainment she likes. It’s less about proving that you can have a conversation about a specific genre and more about giving her space to share.
Her ideal vacation
Learning about how she likes to travel can tell you a lot about a woman. Some enjoy extravagant, well-planned trips around the world. Others would much rather grab a backpack and head for the mountains.
Make sure to ask her about the best trip she’s been on and what made it so special.
Food is another topic that is something of a staple on a first date. So, you’ll want to avoid generic questions that will give you one-word answers like, “What kind of food do you like?”
Instead, ask her questions like, “What’s one ingredient that you could eat in every meal?” or “What is your go-to nostalgic meal?” These questions are likely to bring up stories that will keep the conversation going.
Where she grew up/family
We’re including this theme in small talk, but be wary here. While hometowns and family can be a rich area of connection and conversation, not everyone is willing to talk casually about their past. You can keep these questions on the lighter side by asking, “What’s your hometown known for?” or “If your hometown was a movie, what genre would it be?”
What do girls like to talk about once they feel comfortable with someone?
Once you’ve touched on a few of the small talk topics, you might be ready to get a little more personal. That’s not to say that you should dive into intimate topics just yet! Try out these ideas for moving past small talk.
More open conversations about family and personal history
You might find that asking a woman about her hometown naturally leads to a conversation about family. If she’s open to it, ask her about her siblings, and parents, whether she comes from a big family, and how they celebrated holidays growing up.
What is her relationship with her family like nowadays? Do they get together for special occasions? Do they talk on the phone often?
Spirituality and religion can be something of a dangerous conversation topic if the two of you have wildly different philosophies. But, if you’ve proven that you have some chemistry and you can keep the conversation open and welcoming, it can also be a rich area to explore.
You might ask what religion she grew up in, whether she still follows that belief system, or if she’s adopted a different way of thinking about the world.
Certain forms of spirituality, such as astrology, can be more lighthearted for a first date. A woman who is interested in this topic will have fun talking to you about your sign.
Her green flags in a partner
If you want to learn more about her values in a relationship, ask her what her green flags are in a partner. It will invite her to tell you the characteristics that she finds most appealing and attractive in a person, such as honesty, punctuality, or thoughtfulness.
This question isn’t just a good conversation starter. It can give you valuable information about your connection. Let’s say, for instance, that one of her green flags is someone who is looking to start a family. If you are also interested in that, then great! But if not, you’ll want to discuss whether it’s a good idea to move forward together.
On a date, it’s never a good idea to spend too much time talking about your own accomplishments. But you should absolutely ask a woman about hers and sing her praises.
Be careful not to put value judgments on her accomplishments. For some people, graduate degrees and promotions are noteworthy. For others, personal accomplishments like being a good pet owner or organizing charity events are a source of pride. No matter how she defines personal success, validate her hard work and perseverance.
Like spirituality and religion, discussions of social issues can go sideways in the wrong circumstances. But, if you’re asking yourself, “What do girls like to talk about,” this is definitely one of them for a lot of women!
Keep in mind that a difference of opinion on social issues doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. But, being unyielding in your position or unwilling to see things from her perspective will be. So, if you want to have an open conversation on this topic, prioritize curiosity over a need to be right. Give her the benefit of the doubt and don’t talk over her.
Goals for the future
Asking a woman about her goals for the future can be a rich area of conversation. But, you just want to be sure that you’re not asking it in a way that feels like a job interview. Instead of saying something like, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years,” try something like,
- Do you have plans that you’re excited about in the next few years? Or are you the kind of person that lives more in the present?
- If you could look in a crystal ball and see your life in 5 or 10 years, would you want to see it? What would the ideal life look like to you?
- What are the things on your bucket list? Have you already done some of them?
Framing the question in these ways makes the conversation a lot lighter and more open than the interview-style one.
Conversation starters for a deeper connection
If you feel that your conversation is going really well, you might be ready to explore some deeper topics. We would suggest that you keep these conversations for after the first date. Otherwise, you may both feel a bit uncomfortable about sharing too much too soon. But once you’re ready these are some sure answers to the question, “What do girls like to talk about?”
Whether she wants to start a family
Starting a family is becoming less of a priority for many women of younger generations. But those who are interested in having kids will want to talk about it with the men they’re dating.
It’s a good idea to have this conversation fairly early on with a woman if you plan on seeing her again. She’ll want to know that you’re on the same page before moving forward.
We know that this can be a taboo subject. But the truth is, our past relationships can impact the people we are today. Giving her the space to open up about what her previous relationships taught her can be a good way to understand her on a deeper level.
To be sure, it takes some emotional maturity to talk about exes without feeling insecure or uncomfortable. Don’t talk about it until you’re ready to listen without judgment. Otherwise, it could distance the two of you instead of bringing you closer together.
Be mindful, also, that you don’t dwell too much on this topic. While talking about previous relationships can shed light on the person sitting in front of you, it’s also important not to get stuck in the past. If you feel that she’s ruminating a little too much about her ex, consider asking her,
- How did you rebuild your life after you broke up?
- What are some of the life lessons you took away from that experience?
- What did that relationship teach you about what kind of partner you want in the future?
These questions give her the opportunity to reflect on that moment in her life as they relate to the here and now. By phrasing the conversation in this way, you can talk about exes in a way that is actually forward-thinking.
A time that she was underestimated
We’ve all been misunderstood at one moment or another, whether by our peers, family, or strangers. Women specifically appreciate this question from men who understand that it’s more common for women to be underestimated. So, if she talks about her experience of being passed over for a promotion by a less qualified male coworker or patronized when she took her car to the mechanic, validate her experience. This will make her feel understood and comfortable.
This is also a good way for you to deepen your connection. She may admit, for instance, that everyone considers her to be confident all the time, but she often struggles with self-doubt. These personal details can make your connection more intimate.
Her love language
If you’re not familiar with love languages, the basic idea is that everyone has a different way of communicating and receiving love. Some people find joy in giving gifts. Others like to receive compliments and verbal praise. There are five different categories, but people are even getting creative with new love languages all the time.
The concept of love languages is all over social media these days, so it’s likely that she’ll know what you’re talking about. Ask her what her love language is, and take notes! This is the kind of information that can help you be a better partner.
Something from the past 5 years that she would do differently
Self-reflection is a great way to understand someone on a deeper level. What are the things they wish they could have done differently over the last five years? What advice would they give to the person they were five years ago?
You might also find that despite the challenges and missteps along the way, many women wouldn’t change anything about the path they took to get to where they are now.
Their ideal place to live
This could be a conversation that you bring up when you’re in that transitional period from small talk to deeper topics. But there’s a reason why we’re including it here. That’s because, if you see a future with someone, you’ll want to talk about where you might live together at some point! Do they want to stay in their current city? Move back home? Pick up and live abroad?
Final tips for talking to a woman
In this article, we’ve included many potential conversation topics that women really want to talk about. Whether you’re going on a first date or are looking for more meaningful topics for your third or fourth date, these ideas are sure to spark great conversations.
Here are a few final words of advice for taking your conversation skills to the next level with women:
- Avoid conversation-stopping questions. Questions that can easily be answered in one or two-word answers can make your conversation feel stilted and forced. Instead, ask questions that can invite more elaborate answers.
- Limit distractions. Putting your phone on silent and staying present in the conversation is key.
- Listen to understand, not respond. The best way to encourage someone to speak more is simply by listening to them. She will, of course, want to hear your opinion on things. But even more impactful will be your ability to sit back and listen to what she has to say, first.
- Remember details. This isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but remembering details about past conversations is a great way to make someone feel heard and understood. If she tells you her favorite coffee drink, for instance, invite her to a coffee shop for your next date. If she explains something difficult happening at work, ask her about it the next time you talk to her. The more you make it a practice to remember details about a conversation, the easier it will become.
- Be ready to open up, yourself. A lot of the questions we’ve suggested in this article invite intimate and vulnerable conversations. So, it’s not enough to simply listen and nod. She’ll feel more comfortable if you also have your own answers to these questions. So, be thoughtful, open up a little, and let the conversation flow. It’s the best way to invite a deeper connection between the two of you.
Still not sure about what women like to talk about? Don’t be afraid to ask!
Although we’ve provided many ideas for conversation starters between men and women, at the end of the day, everyone is different! Not every girl will want to talk about the topics covered here. And most women will show up to a first date or conversation with ideas of their own. So, if the conversation is flowing smoothly, let it! Relax, listen, and see where the evening takes you!